I have stopped watching for details dropped
I would love to say that I am not still waiting
But I have never lied well

Funny how a certain letter, a specific color, a taste
Some random joke, a song bird, rain on a pane
Bring memories still.

You know, some dreams haunt
I still harbor certain fantasies
I still often wonder.

This Galatea had less impact on Pygmalion
Dreaming was no cupid, no breath of life
Flesh can be stone heavy.

Stone is better for this work.
Perhaps it was wise of you to leave
Me marble hard and ice cold.

Rebuilding requires materials.
Rebuilding demands icy reserves.
Flesh is weak even if the spirit is willing.

I understand that you scream in silences
That deafens even marble ears, Pygmalion.
No letter, bird, or color speaks clearer.

Still it is easier for me on cloudy days.
It is easier for me in silent winter, birdless.
Believe it or not marble bleeds and breathes.

Rebuilding will result in beauty.
Marble begets marble…less destructible.
Stronger if colder, harder, and older.

When …if …you visit your garden
Come see wisteria and morning glory
Life flourishing around marble.

When you curl up under the blankets and

You remember the warmth of my touch

On your heart

I pray you are warmed by the spark.

When night is longer than day again

When you lock yourself tightly away and

You remember where you left your key

In my hand

I pray you feel safe once again.

I was your sun for the long nights

I was the embrace that held you tight

I was the ears that caught every whispered word

And I was the spoken love you never heard.

When the breezes blow crisp and cool again

When the chill burrows deep beneath skin and

You remember my sheltering soul

Covering your shy heart

You’ll know you were loved from the start.

When the music of birds is softer and

When your troubadours migrate south again

Those left gather seeds from your hand

In the cold

May faithful love never grow old

I was your hero for only a moment

I was the rush of adrenaline’s surge

I was a smile that caressed your lips for an instant

I was the spoken love you never heard

You could not receive me

Your heart’s ears scorned the word

I was the spoken love you never heard

          “His text was from Proverbs: “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.”

     He seized the sides of the pulpit with his powerful hands, glared at the congregation, decided to look benevolent after all, and exploded: “In the hustle and bustle of daily life I wonder how many of us stop to think that in all that is highest and best we are ruled not by even our most up-and-coming efforts but by Love? What is Love — the divine Love of which the—the great singer teaches us in Proverbs? It is the rainbow that comes after the dark cloud. It is the morning star and it is also the evening star, those being, as you all so well know, the brightest stars we know. It shines upon the cradle of the little one and when life has, alas, departed, to come no more, you find it still around the quiet tomb. What is it inspires all great men—be they preachers or patriots or great business men? What is it, my brethren, but Love? Ah, it fills the world with melody, with such sacred melodies as we have just indulged in together, for what is music? What, my friends, is music? Ah, what indeed is music but the voice of Love!”. “   -Sinclair Lewis

Humpty Dumpty nursery rhymes
Music is a friend of mine
Gentle with someone who’s small
For someone tiny she stands so tall

She is brilliant to me
I don’t know if I’ve ever told her
I know I’ve never told her enough

Teaching me in Sunday school
Living out the golden rule
Holding tight while letting go
One of the strongest ladies I know

I am becoming more like her
I don’t know if I’ve ever told her.
I’ve never thanked her enough.

     I will never forget watching my Afro-American friends style their hair in the dorms in the mornings. It was new to me and they were lovely. I listened to people of various faiths discuss truths that I was lead to believe only were true for those “like me”.  Through Ms. Boone, I was introduced to St. Exupery’s The Little Prince there. The fox’s part of the story has become my definition for building and maintaining relationships. It is a very deep part of me. From Ms. Rochelle I learned to grieve and love well. A life skill I needed with my dad. I have never forgotten her drawing a butterfly on a flip chart and writing, “”Death belongs to life as birth does” beneath it. It was years later that I could find the entire quote and author:

 ”Death belongs to life as birth does
The walk is in the raising of the
foot as in the laying of it down”
— Rabindranath Tagore (Stray Birds)

I’ve come to love that also. From Ms. Smith, I learned to play. “Gorilla, Man, Gun” ( http://www.angelfire.com/ca4/SnugglyBug/games/gorrillamangun.html ) or the infamous “Chubby Bunny.” An example (can be gross so not for the weak of stomach):

     I was talking with some friends of mine today… And remembering a very “happy me”. These ladies invested in me. I wish I could say the return on their investment is huge. They believed in me. I wish I could say it was warrented. But I will say, I am grateful. I will say my story isn’t finished yet. They showed me a bigger world than I could have ever imagined. They began opening the door and windows in the house of my heart to allow fresh air to stream through. My beliefs and heart are larger thanks to them. There are friends I have now that I would never have been open to have without their touch on my life.

     One of the songs I remember hearing that year at camp has stayed with me:

I am richer for these ladies and the other students who gave of their time, attention, and love in my life. Thank you for your part in showing me the way.

       It is dark. It is provocative. Under the gothic vision laid out by Burton…I found it to be hopeful. I went to see Disney’s Alice in Wonderland as directed by Tim Burton . ( http://adisney.go.com/disneypictures/aliceinwonderland/ )

Disney’s Alice In Wonderland (2010) Cool Trailer! – The best video clips are right here

I have come to expect the macabre and somber in Burton’s art. More than expect it, I have to respect it. I couldn’t dream up the fantasy scape Burton creates!

       My son fell in love with The Nightmare Before Christmas.

(http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/The-Nightmare-Before-Christmas-nightmare-before-christmas-68261_1024_768.jpg)

I found The Corpse Bride fascinating.

(http://www.freemoviestheatre.com/media/images/CorpseBride(2005).jpg)

But here married to Linda Woolverton’s screen play I really fell in love again with Alice.

(http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/books/blog/alice%20in%20wonderland%20via%20disney.jpg)

Woolverton’s Alice is directing her own dream. This Alice stands “alone when facing the beast”. She is a champion of her own choosing. That message is imperative today. (Yes, I’ll say it, for women today!) Not since Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer have I felt such a respect for the men behind the champion. The Hatter, the caterpillar, and the would be father-in-law turned business partner all respect Alice and do not appear in the least jealous of her success or driven to rescue her as a damsel in distress. She is a respected hero. She is expected to be the hero. The choice is hers.

Description: Illustration to the poem Jabberwocky. A work by English illustrator Sir John Tenniel (1820-1914). First published in Carroll, Lewis. 1871. Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There.

The movie is dark and therefore some smaller children might struggle with it. But I believe the message is important and the work is stunning. It left me thinking and longing for more for Alice.

I am trying to explain
Wringing my hands, prying at words
Dislodging those that are stuck

I know she is listening
I know it by the glistening
Light there that is shining
In her eyes

“I can’t remember a time,”
I say as I squeeze her hand
She narrows her eyes in pain

“When we were not friends.”
I finish coming up for air
Our tear drops fall like rain

She scuffs her toe in the grass
Kicking at emotions
Dislodging those that are stuck

I feel her squeeze my hand
There are more words in that moment
Than in any full of voice.

She knows I am listening
Beyond the ‘seen’ bright and glistening
To the Light there that is shining
In her eyes.

“There will never be a time,”
She says breathing so deep
Her words falling soft as snow

“When we are not friends”
There is bedrock, a touch stone…wait
“I just don’t know this you.”

What is that? (Τι είναι αυτό;) 2007 from MovieTeller on Vimeo.

     When Guiding Light was canceled, I was in awe. For those who know me well, that I fell for a soap opera probably is flabbergasting. But I did. From March 11, 2009 to Sept. 18, 2009, I watched regularly. I even pulled up many episodes of certain storylines that captured my imagination as well. So I put a four year investment into that time span!

      Not just the show spurred me to watch. The online fan community literally captivated me as well. Men (yes, some incredible brave men) and women gathered to do play by plays of the episodes, talked through storyline knots, give history, review how it paralleled or diverged from modern pop culture, media and technology, jokes and fun, or just discuss acting and theater every weekday. What amazed me the most, they also discussed their lives. And I was blessed and touched beyond words. I grew.

    People were open and honest. You were able to hear about family, pets, travel, college, politics, current news, lifestyles, religion, history, art, literature, and more. People encouraged each other, pushed each other to be stronger or better, share wounds, share healing, pray with each other, think out loud, know what you believe… and more. There were births, marriages, dating, and losses just like any other community I have ever known. And I stood awestruck and inspired.

     I haven’t been as ‘invested’ as long as others have. I don’t speak of me much; I encourage, listen, and learn. What I’ve learned looks a lot like love to me.

     This week there was a deep loss of a beautiful lady, Cathie. She has been connected to some who gather on the board for almost fourteen years (that I’m aware of at the moment). That is a long time to walk along side people loving them and sharing. The community is grieving. Her family is grieving. We pray for their healing now.

     I’ve watched this community “light candles” virtually in her honor, send words of encouragement, prayers, online ((hugs)), and support in any way possible. She made an impact in the lives of many people literally around the globe by sharing her heart, life, talents, and passions. Cathie, I’ve heard, over and over again was a generous gentle gorgeous soul. The community will miss her very deeply. We are so grateful that her family would share her with us. Being a mother and having lost a father, I grieve along side her children.

     When I woke this morning and learned of her loss, I was reminded of a poem by Madeleine L’Engle that comforted me when I lost my father.

                        The earth will never be the same again.

                        Rock, water, tree, iron share this grief

                        As distant stars participate in pain.

                        A candle snuffed, a falling star or leaf,

                        A dolphin death, O this particular loss

                        Is Heaven- mourned; for if no angel cried,

                        If this small one was tossed away as dross,

                        The very galaxies then would have lied.

                        How shall we enter out love’s song now

                        In this strange land where all are born to die?

                        Each tree and leaf and star show how

                        The universe is part of this one cry,

                        That every life is noted and  is cherished

                        And nothing loved is ever lost or perished.

(Madeleine L’Engle, A Ring of Endless Light, Laurel-Leaf Books, 1980)