Dreaming of Silver Roses

     Ten years ago, he was a tiny, raven haired, “blue” (wet lungs) wriggly, thing with giant brown eyes . I was a marveling, wriggling, stunned, wide  eyed…. new mom. I had no clue what I was supposed to do with this new life placed in my hands. Not really. I mean I was fairly certain that there would be bottles, diapers, and no more sleep … ever. I was fairly certain that I needed to up grade my super hero knowledge bank. I was reading like frantic for the nine months prior to his arrival about robots, Narnia, Wrinkle in Time, Christopher Robin, King David, and Jesus. I listened to Andrew Peterson’s “Little Boy Heart Alive” and Rich Mullins’ “Boy Like You/ Man like Me”.

     I have been so proud for the last 10 yrs. to be his mom. He really has been very easy. He’s bright intellectually and in personality. He’s funny. He loves making others laugh. He’s considerate and tender hearted. He adores his baby sister. Now, that’s not to say he doesn’t have flaws. He has his mother’s sharp tongue to match his gift for words. He has his father’s quickness to judge to match his joy in making friends. He has the laze about gene like the 80′s version of Strawberry Shortcake’s Huckleberry Pie that make most boys like long summer days flat on your back doing nothing (even if mom just requested your room to be cleaned). But he is becoming a man I am more proud of every day and amazed by every moment. He has my dreamer spirit still. He has my since of life’s injustices and frankness of speech.

     Today I woke him at 4 a.m. to put him on a charter bus with scads of other 4th graders headed from this area near Dallas to Austin. He’ll tour the state capital. He’ll play games on the bus about Texas and national history. He will eat pizza with his buddies. Then he’ll come dragging home around 8:00 pm tonight.  He is going without me. He is stepping out and stepping up. I’m not concerned about his behavior. He has a strong sense of right and wrong married to a deep respect for others. I still am that  25 year old new mom some where who wonders if I can keep him safe. I worry about providing him with what he needs (and much of what he wants). I worry about things out of my control like flat tires on the bus, insane people at the capital, will he have enough to eat, will he eat in the time he’s given, and a host of other things a mom lets swim in her grey matter when her hands are not close to the ones she loves.

     I agree that he needs the right to independence. I agree he is growing up and responsible. I know he can respect those in authority and handle himself well. But… he’s my boy. And I love him. I always will. So a moment to ponder and then I’ll open my hand and let him grow. I am so proud of my son.

Filed under: kids, life, music on May 11th, 2010