Dreaming of Silver Roses

            She rode to the elevator to the top trembling the whole way. On many floors she wanted to scream, “Let me off!” but she didn’t. She pressed her back against the wall furthest from the door as possible. It wasn’t because of over crowding at all, but instead she was fairly certain that unless there was space and a few warm bodies between her and the door way she would exit at some point. Her breath came in stuttered gasps and she felt light headed. Everyone with her was either quiet like she was or talking to beat the band. She could tell one guy near the front who had been one of the last to board the elevator was talking as if he had to put a wall of words between himself and everything around him especially the door. He was talking a mile a minute for insulation.  There was a fine bead of sweat across his top lip and he was trying very hard to look cool and relaxed.  She couldn’t say much as she wiped the sweat from her temples and the back of her neck. He was trying so hard to appear nonchalant. Too hard in fact and his mannerisms and incessant talking belied the demeanor he was trying so hard to pull off. Another young woman standing opposite of her was cool and serene. She figured that this young woman had done this before. She was checking her suit and belt with a back pack at her feet. The elevator smelled of sweat and stale air and gear grease of some sort. The light in the elevator wasn’t too bright but just enough natural light filtered in from the sky light above. The gears of the elevator were visible retrieving the cable from the long upward climb against the azure sky occasionally dotted with puffy white clouds. She felt like she was gazing up as the disciples must have done at the Ascension of Christ!

            She had to be first. She had to get out and line up to go first at all costs. She could never do it if she saw someone else do it before her. She had to be first. The ascent was taking forever. She felt as if the smell and sound of the grinding gears and rolling pulley would make her hurl. She felt washed out and blanched the way fresh green beans lose that first bright green when dumped into a vat of boiling water to be canned.

            Then there was a sudden stop. The stop wasn’t only of movement from the elevator, but everyone inside it car stopped breathing as well. No more talking. Everyone drew in a deep breath as the doors opened with the ding of the bell.

            The guide led them down a corridor and out a door that appeared normal. She almost expected to walk into a room. Instead there was a roof top and a platform prepared. She rushed to be at the front of the line fiddling with her suit as she walked.

The guide checked her suit. They fitted the leads and belts and cables. She felt the metal on metal click into place through her teeth. The sound made her teeth feel as if she had suddenly eaten something extremely cold. The guide was talking. Reviewing instructions. She was nodding but only partially listening. Too late. No turning back.

 There was no turning back once she entered that elevator. She knew there were those on the ground below who were cheering. There were some who never thought she would ever do something so radical. There were those wishing she weren’t. They didn’t want to see her hurt. But they were all watching. This was for all of them.

This was for her.

She walked to the end. There was the count and as the guide shouted she thought, “What was I thinking?” and then all she could do was pray the bungee held as she jumped.

Filed under: life, short story, wonder on August 14th, 2008