Dreaming of Silver Roses

Trust
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Religion and Philosophy

 

I received an email this A.M. that I found fascinating and gave me cause to pause and wonder to ponder so I am passing on the question. I was asked:

Who do you trust more?

Your
Doctor?
Pharmacist?
Hair Dresser
Attorney?
Maid?
Friend?
 OR
Mother-In-Law?
(trusting “myself” is not a choice) 

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pearl@fresh-perspectives.net
  
My reply off the cuff was:

Hmm, I think that question bares pondering. I guess instinctively I trust people like doctors, hairdressers, pharmacists without question for their area of expertise. Kind of the way you walk into a room and just sit in a chair that seems comfortable to you or that you have sat in before. You never stop, check the bolts or wood or frame(- at least few people I know would do that). You just expect the chair to be trustworthy and you sit because that’s the chair’s function. As far as trust goes based on a field or professional need, I guess I have blind trust for those folks who have been to school and trained for the careers they are a part of.  I trust my friends based on time spent with them and their ability to be consistent.
 I guess still reflexively when I am interested in building a relationship of any kind I just instinctively trust until that soul is proven untrustworthy. I am kind of a sunny side, glass is half full, unjaded or un- disenchanted kind of person. I take people - yes, even my mother-in-law - as they are at ‘grace value’ instead of ‘face value’ until they illustrate that it is risky business trusting them. I am also gullible enough to risk it time and time again if the relationship is captivating to me and/or appears to be worth the work…. or if it seems I am in this relationship like it or not and I need to make it work (example in-laws or extended family of any kind! I married into it for a lifetime commitment, so I need to figure out how to work with them.) I guess because I believe to gain trust you have to be willing to risk it first. Waiting means that someone who isn’t as Pollyanna as I am may not risk it first. Offering first gives them some collateral so that they aren’t on the defense and it might be easier for them to risk. That may not be the answer you were looking for, my friend, but I am wordy and nerdy so it’s what popped into my head and worked it’s way out!
 I was thinking about this and the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well popped into my head. (John 4). This lady had a personal history that made trust a huge risk factor. She had a cultural set up that compounded the situation. She had gender role issues that were not favorable from her perspective. There were so many major reasons not to be the one to trust. From an earth centered perspective, it was wisdom to withhold trust- even from Christ, especially from God. After all she knew who she was as far as following the rules were concerned. She was aware of the fact that she wasn’t up to code as far as God was concerned among her own people and their beliefs and she knew she certainly wasn’t up to the standards of behavior of an upright, moral Jewish male teacher of that day. She had no reason to trust and a million reasons and examples of why not to!

 What did Jesus do about it? He wanted a relationship with her. He had to gain her trust. I think the first thing I think about is how He went to her turf. He made the journey as close to ‘home’ for her as possible on a time table that made it as comfortable as possible for her. He didn’t wait for her to clean up her act. He didn’t demand that she meet Him at the temple (but he didn’t go to her bedroom either where most men would have been most likely to meet her). He chose a safe place that she was familiar with and that would make the moment as focused and quiet and easy for her as possible. Sometimes the beginning of trust is to risk giving someone else the “home court” advantage. It also might give us a perspective of where they are coming from or understanding them better. What’s that old cliché’ that’s attributed to Native American wisdom, “Never a judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.” Many times trust dies in the beginning because we refuse to see the sacredness inherit in another art work of God and work a little internally to get beneath their skin and peer out. We don’t want to see the way they might see. We can’t lower our standards or guard enough to risk giving them an upper hand in any way (real or imagined). We have to maintain total control. Trust is a risk. You can’t have complete control and trust at the same time. Trust by definition is offering someone else a measure of control over you, yours, or your space.

 To gain her trust Jesus used a risk. He asked for a favor. He asked for a drink. She had the right to refuse or ignore. She had the right to hurt his feelings or be unkind. She was kind of cold in fact in the reply. After all usually the guy bought her a drink. She was constantly on the alert for some new line I would imagine. But it started a conversation that led to a relationship. Jesus took the initiative and put Himself on the line to connect with her. He didn’t let her walk away from the conversation easily either. He kept speaking the Truth (like He could help it since it’s who He is) in a place where a lie would have been easier on her heart and smoothed the road to a casual relationship. The deal was, He wasn’t interested in a casual relationship. He was redefining intimacy for her. Her definition wasn’t working. She was with guy number five at least and what she considered the pinnacle of  trust and intimacy had repeatedly failed her. He had to redefine what to look for and the only way to that definition is Truth. Trust and intimacy are build only on Truth.
 
The results were a new relationship and an affirmation for her that there is trust. There are people worth the risk. Trust is healing.

 

Currently listening : Bach: The 6 Unaccompanied Cello Suites Release date: 2006-06-06

Filed under: Uncategorized on July 31st, 2008